Smile a little

Face life Smile a little Light up your face Be the reason for a smile Hold your loved ones close Smile and face life Live life a little

Muthe

The time her mother conceived, an astrologer supposedly stated that the child was destined to grow up in a new house.  Hearing this my grandmother’s father set up on construction of a house three stories high, with 6 bedrooms of varying sizes, a large kitchen, a dining hall and a massive living room. 

My mother was the first of five children born to A K Padmavathyamma  and M Karunakaran Nair.  She was delivered (March 16, 1944) at home.  The new born was supposedly so cute and perfect that my mother’s uncle Gopi Nair exclaimed – muthe matheri ende (looks like a pearl).

From that day my mother’s nickname became Muthu and Savithiri was her name for the school certificates and so on.  My mother’s brother followed in quick succession which meant that she didn't get too much attention as a baby.  From being told by her grandmother she used to proudly tell me of how she used to sleep in between her grandparents.  Her grandparents A K Nanikuttyamma and   M Pangunni Nair had two other children other than Padmavathyamma (Pappa).  My mother’s grandfather was a very strict and respected man but was the one who used to change her nappies and always loved to carry her around.

She grew quickly and was called thotti kale (long legged) by her granddad.  She was a dear child for her grandparents and under them she bloomed.  Her grandmother was very pious, had strong traditional believes and values.  My mother picked up all of this from her and was always the butt of jokes by her siblings for all the fasts and prayers she undertook.

Her primary education was at a school 5 Kms away from home.  Given a chance to talk about it she would recollect the adventures she and her friends used to have on their way to and back from school.  There was a large group of children who undertook the 5 Km walk.  They would all meet at a common point and in groups start the walk.  When someone or a few used to be late those who decided to leave would place a leaf with a stone on it to inform that a group has already left.   Some would join them midway and the walk continued.  She used to talk about how people used to ask her about her grandparents and if she wanted to eat or drink.  She used to say that in those days no one would think of hurting a child and she doesn't remember of any such instance unlike what it is now.  There was so much trust and oneness irrespective of caste, creed or social strata.

The school she went to was called KPRP High School at Kongad.  It was built by a man who didn't want his only daughter to go too far from home for her schooling.  Every time we used to pass by the school my mother would point out the classrooms she had been in.

Her high school studies was at the Moyen’s High School in Palaghat (it is now called Palakkad).   She didn’t get through the 10^th standard and didn’t continue her studies.   She stayed at home spending invaluable hours, days, years in the company of her grandparents, parents, siblings and cousins.  Having grown up in a joint family and being among the eldest of her generation she cared not only for her own siblings but also for her cousins and relatives.  Caring for others came naturally to her and she did so selflessly.

Around the time she turned 19 years of age her grandfather passed away leaving a void which she found very difficult to fill.  Within a year or so of the death alliances were sought and she married the man who went on to be my father, Thoniyil Muralidara Menon. 

My father was a self made man.  After completing his 10^th at his village school in Trichur he completed his further studies in Calcutta attending evening classes.  He did various jobs to support his education.  At the time of discussing the alliance he was a young handsome man who had seen the world and knew a lot more than what other youth of the time from this part of the world would have.  My mother was the typical lady who had grown up in a village and the only town she had been to was Palaghat.

Post marriage my mother found herself in the grand city of Calcutta and met the friends of my father (including his old girl friends!).  She used to tell me that some young women in the neighborhood gave her nasty looks when she walked along with her man.    

My dad was a serial job hopper.  Thanks to this nature of his my mom saw almost all parts of India.  Delhi, Bombay and other places.  She spoke once in a while about how difficult it was to understand the languages and the different cultures.

She and dad were never apart for too long.  She joined him in Dubai a year or two after he went in 1973 or 74.  I don’t remember exactly when my mother left to join him but I still remember waking up in a very strange bed next to my sister.  Upon asking for mother my sister asked me if I could hear the whistle of a train.  I said yes and she said our mother left in it to be with father.

She and dad came to see us within a year.  I was very angry at her for having left me and I think I said so in no uncertain terms.  I don’t know if it was pity, the poor state of my studies or my health… I was taken to Dubai soon afterwards.  The time we spent there was among the best years of our lives.  As with everything this changed as well.

Years passed by, father passed away and my mother was like without her shadow.  How she pulled through I don’t know but she did.  She got a home of her own, lived her life as she wanted to.  The independence did not last too long.  Her health declined and she had to be hospitalized on number of occasions.  Her self-belief and confidence started to fade away.  Finally on March 13, 2015 she ended her journey.

Like all humans she had her faults but I don’t think it was ever her intention to hurt anyone.  She lived well and died peacefully.  Like many others and as is our wont I wish I had done some things differently.  Small things like telling her once in a while that I love her, giving her a kiss, a hug.  I wish I had more conversations with her.  She may have been happier. 

Miss you, mummy.

Medicare is not about care

A year ago we went to what is supposedly a reputed dental clinic in Coimbatore.  The people who own this also own eye clinics.  All we wanted back then was for a tooth to be pulled, nothing else.

The sweet talking, sales savvy doctor talked us into a root canal and related treatment which would ensure the tooth would not have to be pulled.  Believing what we thought then was a well meaning ethical medical practitioner we went ahead and got the procedure done.

With in six months the crown comes off, we get to the clinic, they very nonchalantly have one of the consultants/doctors just put it right back.

Another six months later to this there is pain in the gum, a sort of boil there as well.  We go back to the reputed dental clinic.  We are told an infection has set in; looks like this happens in cases where the crown has not been set on the tooth properly...who knew!!!

Another procedure is done to save the tooth.  This time we are told that this procedure is the best approach but we will have to wait and see what happens.

One to two months later the gum starts to hurt again, we go back and the tooth gets pulled.  Not only did we lose the tooth, we lost a good amount of money and suffered a lot of pain.

What needed to be done got done finally but meanwhile the clinic is lot more richer just in the span of a year or so.  No wonder this group's clinics are mushrooming everywhere.  They are taking from patients and ensuring we remain their fund raisers.  Fantastic business model.  I am sure we were not the only ones to be taken for a ride.

By sharing our experience people will likely be more aware of what might happen.  Please do not get carried away by advertisements, put on humbleness and pretentious customer care.

For 2015

Hope of a better tomorrow, of being able to do better, for the best of those around us.  Hope that the world next year is a lot safer, saner and tolerant.


Faith in our ability to rise from every fall.  Faith that no matter how bad things may have been, tomorrow is another day and it can only be better. 


Forever we humans have been taking more than we are entitled to.  For once we should dedicate ourselves to giving back more than what we have been giving till date.


Always smile, stay humble and always take time to tell those you love - I love you!

Love this poem - I am black

When I born, I black
When I grow up, I black
When I go in Sun, I black
When I scared, I black
When I sick, I black
And when I die, I still black

And you white fellow
When you born, you pink
When you grow up, you white
When you go in sun, you red
When you cold, you blue
When you scared, you yellow
When you sick, you green
And when you die, you gray

And you calling me colored?

Customer care or back covered no matter what

In the guise of transparency hospitals are pulling a quick one.  

Taking lessons from those which have got pulled up for transfusing infected blood, over charging patients et al...some big players are getting customers to sign up forms which read more or less like this - 

On blood transfusion - 
while the hospital has taken utmost care to provide uninfected blood for transfusion i realize that some some virus might have infected the blood being transfused to the patient.  such viruses are very difficult to trace even with the highest levels of examination and the best of safe guards....

On pay wards - 
As I am opting for a pay ward I understand that I might/will be charged higher rates for the medical facilities which I will avail during the period of my stay...

The presumed 'acceptance' is twisted in a manner that the hospital still comes out on the safe side should there be any problem.  I am not a legal expert but I wonder whether its even fair to get patients and/or their family members to sign such documents.

It smacks of 'i want my back covered no matter what'

A day in a hospital

I was recently in the OP, blood test center and casualty of a hospital.  As I waited in each of these places along with my mother I kept noticing the others around. 


Some of them will stay with me forever like the time I was offered a sweet by a new father who didn’t know that I had just lost mine.


A young mother getting told that she needn’t worry but few more tests and scans are required before the final prognosis.  She instinctively reached out to pat the head of her child and with the other caught hold of her husband's arm. 


A patriarch is being rushed in to causality.  The stretcher is surrounded by family and close ones.  Everyone is anxious as they get told to wait outside the emergency ward.  The man's wife alone is inconsolable.  In a matter of 30-45 minutes her fears come true.  Others break down, she calls out to what looks like her eldest, whispers something and then asks to be allowed inside the ward.  After a while she emerges tells those trying to console her that everyone should be strong and do what is needed...this is what he would have done and wanted.


A young husband and wife come in with an old couple.  They the old ones are clearly lost and not at all in their comfort zone.  The young couple is very audibly arguing as to why it has become their headache to care for these two.  Why can’t that brother, the other sister and so on do this!  The old man and woman are ashamed, shaken and probably wishing they weren’t around to hear these.
As all of this and a multitude of other things happen I take to watching the hospital staff.  The new age doctors (some of them still getting trained) are stuck to their mobiles, hardly have the time to even look at patients who have asks of them.  Some of the seasoned nurses and other support team members exchange knowing looks seeing the doctors busy on their mobiles.  The senior doctors are so busy there is hardly any - 1 on 1 time with patients.  The so called assistants are supposedly doing tasks to help.  The help usually results in the names of medicines being wrong spelled, incorrect tests get prescribed.  As colleagues meet them talk about their day, their home, their family, go for breaks, food. 


As I left the hospital I wished the young mother all the courage and strength she would require. To the family who lost their elder I wished that the departed one's soul rests in peace.  The state of the old couple haunts me.  I hope the young ones they are with will have a change of heart.  Realize that had it not been for those who brought them up and are old now the young and able would have had no today.
    

In 2013...

look at the haves
rise up stronger from a fall
live each day as if there is no other
do unto others as you would have them do to you
to be educated and not instructed
know nothing is forever...this too shall pass
to not criticize, complain and condemn
to smile a lot more
be thankful for what we are
to give more than we get

Another end...a new beginning

Another year is nearing its end.  A lot has happened some which should not have and some that really made a difference.  Personally it has been a roller coaster of a ride.  Many firsts this year - had my first bike accident after more than a decade, my car broke down for the first time ever and the most exciting one - celebrated this year's birthday in the place I was born - Bombay, Mumbai whichever name one calls that never say die place.  Few of those I got to know after I joined Ugam and relocated to Coimbatore have now moved on.  I do not remember that many numbers saying good bye ever before.  Fortunately most will be in touch :-)

My mother had yet another bout of illness like in 2010 got hospitalized for about a good 10-12 days.  I got to see a side of her that I had not before.  She was like a helpless child.  I brushed her teeth, combed her hair, changed her clothes and all that one has to for a child. I consider myself lucky for having been there when she needed someone most.

Thanks to my mother's illness I reconnected with my sister and brother in law.  It is not for nothing that people say happiness and sorrow bring down walls (or at least some seem to think so!).  Feels good to be back in touch and knowing that there are more people who care and to care for :-)

Professionally this year has been one of the best.  I have got to work with world class clients, fantastic team members and towards the end of the year have been given more responsibilities.  The way it came to me I would not have asked for it to be so.  Regardless I will do the best I can and want to deliver the best I can.

Last, not the least my friends.  Managed to spent some quality time with the few friends I have.  They are still the same though all of us have some grey hair here and there :-)  We are the same boisterous bunch when together.  Loved the time spent with them.

Look forward to 2013 and what it has in store.

May there be peace in the world.

The things we do

As long as we keep getting what we want of what we do, we will continue. Once this stops then we will do all we can to stop. Look at everything and anything this cycle will be very visible. To me what this suggests is that we have to be smart at deciding on what to do, how to do and for how long. As the Oracle said or someone in the movies said - everything that has a beginning has an end.

We tend to deceive ourselves into believing that everything or most of what we are doing is worth continuing with. Rarely is there any introspection. When reality strikes on those of us who are this way there is hardly anything left.

Think about it and so will I.

Expectations

Of all that happens in relationships 'expectations' are by far the ones that set predicaments. They arise out of nowhere and sometimes for no reason. Aren’t always based on past experiences either. When they pop up, they are tricky and more often than not leave certain bitterness in the parties involved.

Not a day goes by when one isn’t faced with it. Everyday then becomes a struggle to meet or exceed, leading to a vicious circle of frustrations, ill feeling, regret and sometimes happiness. As with everything else that is difficult to handle, expectations can’t be made to go away. They are what keep the wheels running.

Those of us who have learnt to handle it to their advantage live an enriched life. The lesson to be learned is that we need to set the right ones in the first place. Having none could mean that we are like the frog in a well. Setting none in others could lead to a life that is less purposeful.

So here is to expectations, and to meeting them head-on.

Years...

Do the years that go by hold any significance? When I look back at the last two there sure have been significant happenings. Year 2008, my son came along, towards the end of 2009 I took the decision to take a new job and shift from Chennai to Coimbatore.

2008 ended a lot sooner than I expected and 2009 took its own sweet time. January 25, 2010 found myself in Coimbatore, away from friends but closer to family.

If I take it back a little longer then things look like  they were destined to happen. My mother tells me that at the age of one, I was in Coimbatore with my parents. I came to Coimbatore after my son turned a year, a month and four days. Coincidence I guess.

I really haven’t been keeping a good track of the years and the events that took place in each of them. Maybe it suited me better that way. All of a sudden I am so aware of each day. It is also seems a lot more meaningful, with purpose now than ever before, surreal as it may sound.

Every moment must count, as will then the years.

What it takes to change

I think it clearly has to do with mindset. Some among us dont take feedback in a positive sense. Instead of analyzing what others have to say it is ignored. I am not one who thinks others should decide what I do and say. However I also do not want to be someone who is misunderstood and mistaken all the time. Those who are persistent are almost always taken as those saying - My way or the highway. It isnt true. One has to be persistent yet open to change.

Michael Jackson - I thank you

Had it not been for Thriller I may never have started to listen to pop. When he sang and danced he gave millions undeniable solace.

Incomparable, irreplaceable, may his soul rest in peace.

MJ...thank you.

Tenant or house owner

I have been moving from one rented house to another since 2000. One big difference from then and now is that house owners have lost all traces of common sense.

Earlier there was a clear relation between the size of the house, facilities and the rent for the place. Now just the opposite is true. The owners alone cannot be blamed though. Tenants are more than willing to compromise for the sake of staying close to children's school, spouse's office et al. Thanks to tolerant tenants and money hungry owners rent these days are really at unbearable, unspeakable levels. What one gets for 5k a month is just acceptable but it is still sometimes 2BHK which is two bedroom, hall, kitchen. In most bathrooms and rest rooms are almost non-existent. Talk about compromises.

My pick for worst second hand car dealer

The sales guy/manager at Sundaram Motors division for selling second cars is the best - when it comes to saying things that arent true that is. I had the misfortune of buying a car from them and its an understatement to say I am disappointed with what was meted out. To call the people at this dealership names would be to degrade any of the nice things that most of us can think of when pissed off. One thing for sure they are shameless and care a hoot about customer satisfaction. They are also solely responsible for giving Fiat a bad name. A job they truly did well!

Try any other second hand car dealer, go to Sundaram Motors at your own risk knowing you have been given fair warning.

My pick for worst e-mail and telephone support

Beyond doubt this goes to Royal Sundaram Insurance. Their online insurance payment works like a charm. I got my car insurance done in no time and received an e-document for it, everything good so far. Days after the promised time for the hard copy I receive the insurance document with my name spelled incorrectly. I tried number of times to get the right person over phone, wrote to their e-mail support, no use. Totally frustrating. Please stay away from this one another Sundaram company which is a major pain in the wrong place.

My pick for best service

Symphony the makers of air coolers have made me their customer for life. Unbelievable after sales service. Every company has an after sales support e-mail address, the difference with Symphony's I found was that someone actually checks and responds. Way to go guys at Symphony.

Restart

Am going to start writing something here everyday. Dont know what it will be about but I will be 'My Say'.